Saturday, September 17, 2011

Losing Myself..Finding Me!



I didn’t know what I wanted in my life. I still don’t!
Just like every normal teenager, I was lost in the maze of my dreams.
I was confused in the mixture of my character that was a combination of what I actually was, what I wanted to be like and what people wanted me to be like.
Every one goes through a phase like this, and so did I.

And in the process of my change, I lost the real me.

I forgot who I really was. Most importantly, I forgot how to love the real me!

I had divided myself into three parts.

I was living three lives at a go and they were all bonded by nothing but ‘lies’.

My friends and the guys who made me feel like a princess became my soul companions.

I wanted to fit in, and so I tried to become everything they considered cool.

Listening to cool music, not caring about any thing in the world, sitting in cafes and smoking away! I was just so engrossed in wanting people to like me, that I applied everything they told me to myself! A part of me wanted to stop everything that I was doing, but I couldn’t…because a part of me was scared of rejection. I was what others wanted me to be.

Social networking addiction soon got into me. And, I realized that chat sites were a place where I could be whoever I wanted to, and the way I wanted myself to be. I created my own new identity and I was living a life where I was the way I wanted to be. Perfect, sophisticated and cool.

Soon my grades started slipping and my family started getting worried. They tried talking to me, but I pushed them away saying that I was fine.

A part of me wanted to let go off everything I was up to. I wanted to talk to someone. I was fed up of everything I was doing and I just wanted to rub it all off me. A new beginning I longed to seek.

Sometimes, at night, I would just wonder about who I really was and why was my life so jumbled up. I was so frustrated with my life, that at a point I wanted to give up.

With the help of a few genuine friends, I then decided to shed all the masks I was wearing for so long and be just the way I feel like being. With a lot of effort, I let go of the negativity that was building a hole in me and was suffocating me.

My first heartbreak soon followed when I started doing what my heart told me to. My family and my ‘true’ friends were my shoulders to cry on.

In my process of finding me, I have realized that lying is going to take me to nowhere. And, that there are very few people who actually love us for who we are. It’s better to stick to the ones who accept us just the way we are, rather than pretending to be someone we are not.

In this maze of life, it is very easy to get lost. But, it’s very difficult to get back to being who we really are.

I haven’t yet found myself. But, I have shed my masks. I have let go of the fears I lived with. I have people who love me just the way I am. And, most importantly, I am happy because I am alive! :)

19 comments:

  1. Loved the last line...!!! Hmmm.. Reminded me of a few things from past... :) nice post philo...!! Loved it :)

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  2. You will not find urself or wht you want to do until you achieve it and actually feel satisfied. I am telling you!
    But yeh even i was like you, being a puppet, chat sites, but then you let go and noone forces u to let go but urself.
    Hugs!

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  3. it happens and sometimes dreams do have a reason..!
    great write-up...!
    :) and thank you for your comment ..! :)

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  4. Well, our satisfaction lies in being who we are, and ultimately, its the journey of finding our own REAL self. We often try to live the lives of others, wear a mask that's not us .. Its such a reminder of my past too.
    Can only say it is a good, good post. Strikes a chord :)

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  5. Aww, how cute and relatable.

    I had a heart break too, but that came from my family so I had no shoulder to cry upon =(

    *Not that i wanted to cry* =p

    The last line= I LOVE.



    Cheers,
    Take care and
    Have a great Sunday!

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  6. Hi, every line of you made me remember myself few years back, as u rightly mentioned teenage is the best part to realize the essence of life..

    @It’s better to stick to the ones who accept us just the way we are, rather than pretending to be someone we are not.

    This line caught my attention so much, i loved this post.. very much heartfelt post i read in the recent days ..:)

    well.. express urself more.. and feel the difference...

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  7. i am glad you can live without the masks...as when you conform to anothers image you are not truly living eh?

    good to see you as well....

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  8. Ah, this reminds me of so much.. and how similar and different I was :P

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  9. Love your post... its similar to my situation :)

    Love x

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  10. :) if only finding oneself was that easy....it may take a whole lifetime to understand what's beneath, what do you want and what does life expect from you....this curiosity will take you where you wouldn't have imagined....let it take you places....

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  11. social networking addiction is so common nowadays..

    RE:dont ya worry ill make one in my next post? :D

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  12. Heart breaks will come along because others are not true to you, just like you were being someone else, they too are walking in circles.
    True friends and family, they'll always be there.

    And it's good. You're trying.


    Cheers,
    Blasphemous Aesthete

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  14. this was one honest post! and self identification and the entangling confusion encircling it is quite synonymous with adoloscence. the wiser part is that you have realized this truth and want to come in terms with reality, trust me when i say this ....its when you accept who you are , you are the happiest and at peace.
    nice pose, really liked it!

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  15. liked each line of urs..
    everyone passed though such phase...
    lovely!!!

    http;//ideas-forum.blogspot.com

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  16. You write quite maturely. Though the feelings mentioned in this post are of a teen, the writing style makes me wonder if it's really written by someone as young.

    There are no regrets, just lessons! All the best :-)

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  17. You write quite maturely. Though the feelings mentioned in this post are of a teen, the writing style makes me wonder if it's really written by someone as young.

    There are no regrets, just lessons! All the best :-)

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Your words mean a lot :)