Just because you offer to pay the bills,

It doesn’t mean you’re doing anything great.

Just cause you offer to come pick me up,

Doesn’t mean you’re being a gentleman.

I don’t need your money,

Nor do I want a ride in your new BMW.

You can keep all that you have,

Cause I’ve had enough of you.

You go about yelling at every other guy who talks to me,

You act like you own me.

No

I ain’t your Barbie doll,

And you’re not being cool.

You go and brag about your acts to your friends,

You think that’s an achievement!

Go and try that with your mum,

And watch how you get kicked out of your house.

No, don’t put your arms around me,

No, don’t shower your gifts on me.

Don’t tell me that I’m your sweetheart,

Cause you don’t know the real me.

Don’t tell me what not to do,

Cause I’ve got a life of my own.

You can go pick another girl to ride on

In your new BMW!

.....

With this, I'm signing off for now :)

I'll be back in the end of March. Till then, take care. Hope to see you all when I'm back :)

Love and hugs,

Philo =)

I’ve had boys. Plenty of them.

But none that lasted long. No, we never departed on a bad note. It was always mutual.

The feelings just died down after a point. After parting ways, I would miss the old times, but then a new guy would enter my life and the circle continued.

A smile and a couple of sweet talks - That was all it took for me to get a guy to fall for me.

They all fell for my innocence.

Bad boys were my attraction, and for them, an easy girl like me was an easy pick. When I say ‘bad’, I don’t mean it in a literal sense. You know, those guys with tattoos and muscles who are just laid back about everything and everything, and who go about bashing up the other guys who try to mess with their girls? The Vin Diesel kinds… Yea, that was my pick. The nastiness, the naughtiness, they pulled me in, and I gave in.

But then, they knew it was all just a fling. And so did I. They all just built up my experience, and got me off my innocence. After that, we parted ways.

And I let another guy pull me in.

For them, it was nothing. For me, it all made me feel loved and wanted.

Dependent..

That's how I've always been. And now, I can't seem to let go..

Where am I heading, that I don't know.

....

Listening to: Infinite Arms- A band of horses.

Picture: Google

P.S: Just cause many asked, it's a work of fiction :)

The Flower Girl.. (Part 2) :)

The last time I opened up to somebody, was when I was eighteen. That was the last time I was naïve. He broke my heart, naturally. After that, I tied myself to my flowers. People around thought me weird. What difference would it make anyways? I had to earn. My father was paralyzed to the bed. My mother, dead...

I hoped to see him, but he did not turn up. I kept looking around, but he was nowhere to be seen. The strawberry basket lay empty on the table, and there was no camera flashing around.

People came into the shop, and they left. I searched for him in every face, I longed for him to suddenly appear with his camera. I wanted to look at him secretly while he would be lost capturing pictures.

But no, he did not come, and the day passed.

Is it possible to fall for a person within a span of just two days? Was it just the desperation that was

building up within me, or was it something else? I don’t know..

Maybe he realized that I’m nothing but a rotten flower girl.

……

Every Sunday I go to my mother’s grave, and cover it with all sorts of flowers. I sit there and talk to her. I tell her about how hard my father was trying to survive. I then venture into the woods to collect wild flowers and berries. I sit and watch the canopies of the trees weaving garlands from the flowers.

It’s been a week since I last saw him. The shop feels empty. I miss his presence. I don’t water the flowers. I flip through the pages of the newspaper, not interested in reading anything. And then, the exhibition catches my eyes. I don’t know how to react to it. I throw the paper away and close the shop for the remaining day.

But then, as the evening approaches, I find myself sitting infront of the mirror and untangling my hair. My mother’s silk dress fits me perfectly. My hair falls on my shoulders. I tab my neck with the perfume that

lay untouched since ages, and walk up to my father.

“You look just like your mother.” His voice is a soft whisper. I hold his hands and kiss them softly. “Is it okay to let love in, when it’s at your doorstep?” I ask. “You’ll regret if you let it go.”

“Thank you father. I’ll be back soon.”

……

I never believed in happy endings. Fairy tales were just a fantasy.. But when I saw a shadow linger outside my shop, I did hope with all my heart that it would be him..

“I knew you’d come.” He said, as he came closer to me.

“Where were you for so long?” I asked as he took my hand and started to walk.

“You’ll see.” He said.

And yes, I

did see. I saw something that was beyond imaginable.

The pictures hung on the walls. I examined them intensely, not being able to believe what I saw.

I saw my pictures. Pictures in which my messy hair fell over my eyes, the ones in that I held a scissor between my teeth…The ones I were laughing in, eating strawberries, smelling flowers.. And also the ones in which I sat waiting for him to come. Wondering where he was gone.

The last picture that hung on the wall, was of me kneeling down before my mother’s grave, laying flowers before her.

I stand there, not knowing how to react. I just stand there, and when he comes and holds my hands tightly, I melt.

“You never left..” I whisper into his ears.

“I told you I would follow your smell, didn’t I?” And then he smiles…taking me into his arms.

.....

I never cried when my mother died. I was too scared that I might not be able to stop. My sadness came out in the form of anger, in the form of detachment…

But with him, I let it all out. I emptied myself to him. He held on to me.

“Close your eyes.” He said.

“Why?”

“Just close them, will you.”

I do as he tells me to. I wait patiently as he opens my hair. I feel him brush the tangles off my hair. He then gently kisses my shoulders and whispers into my ears. “Open them now..”

“How… How could you make a tiara?” I ask, keeping my gaze fixed.

"Your father guided me.” He looks into my eyes, and I’m in for a loss of words.

“Will you ma

rry me?” He asks.

“Yes. Yes I will..” The words come out, before I have time to think. But then, for a change, I didn’t want to think.

Is it possible that just one person can get your heart racing at the very first moment? Yes, it is. Even for someone like me..

........

And yes, the story ends here.. and now I'm out of ideas for a new story!

Thank you for reading :)

Love,

Philo

The Flower Girl..

The lilies.. They have always been my favourite flowers. When I was a child, my mother made tiaras out of them for me. I would wear them on my head, pretending to be a princess. But then, she left. I never saw her again. Nor did I ever wear a tiara ever again.

The bell rang and he entered the shop. For once, I could not take my eyes off him. But when I realized how unkempt I looked, I took to my heels and hid behind the flowers that lay on the table.

“Well, how may I help

you Sir?” I asked.

“Err…Can I just look around?”

People came to florists to buy flowers. There was nothing to look at.

“I mean, if you don’t mind. I’m a photographer actually. And, I want to click pictures of you. Sorry. Of your flowers I mean.” He looked and me and grinned. I would think that he was a stalker, but then I wouldn’t mind having some company around. “Sure.” I said, and turned away from him, before he could ask me any more questions.

“Just, just don’t touch any of the flowers.” I quickly added and got back to my work.

Is it possible that just one person can get your heart racing at the very first moment? Yes, it is. But then, for someone like me who has always remained hidden amidst flowers, always been scared of letting a man enter h

er life, for someone like me, the feeling is new.

I tried avoiding him. I arranged the flowers, rearranged them when it wasn’t required, watered them again and again, and entertained my customers for longer than what I usually do. But no, that stranger who was going about clicking pictures of my flowers was all I was thinking about. He beguiled me.. I wanted him and I wanted him out at the same time.

“Do you mind if I come back again tomorrow? I can help you around if want too.” He asks before leaving. “Yes, I wouldn’t mind.” I instantly wish I could have taken my words back. But no, I had already spoken before I could stop myself. And he came back the next day, looking

even better than the last time, carrying with him a basket of strawberries for me.

...........

When my mum was around, she would tie ribbons all around my hair, and they would slip down my hair like silk. After she left, I spent my time doing the chores of the house. My hair I left, untamed..

I spent hours, trying to set my hair right, but nothing seemed to work. The harder I tried, the messier it looked. In the end, I just pin it up and wear my daily clothes and leave for work.

As I near the shop, he waves at me.

“Hey! Good morning.” He says. His smile makes my heart flutter.

“I’m so sorry for keeping you waiting.” I quickly open the shop, and let him in.

“This place is beautiful, you know. The smell, it’s so refreshing.” I wish he would stop doing that, flashing me his smiles. “Oh, and here, I got strawberries for you.” He places the basket on the table and sits down infront of me. “Thank you. It was very nice of you.” And then, we indulge ourselves eating the strawberries, talking about flowers and about photography. “Would you like to come out with me sometime?” He asks. Before I can answer, a customer interrupts our conversation, and the matter is buried.

He spends the day helping me decorate bouquets, clicking pictures and keeping me company.

“Don’t you have anything else to do apart from coming here?” I call out to him, as he walked out of the shop.

“A lot. But, a flower girl’s smell brings me back here everyday!” Saying so, he takes off, and I stand there, watching him, smiling.

I don’t remember the last time when I had felt so good.

.............

To be continued :)

To read the male version of the story, check out Rahul's post here :) 'Flower Girl- Male'

Thanks a ton for writing it Rahul :)

Picture Courtesy: Rahul's findings in Google :D

Safe Haven

The cold wind hits my face hard.

I cling on to him, as he zooms. It’s dark. It’s cold. And I’m numb.

I bury my head into his jacket, and hold on as tight as possible. Closing my eyes, with my hands inside his jacket’s pockets, I take in as much of his warmth as I could.

We don’t say a word. It’s too cold to talk. When I look behind, there are no vehicles.

Ahead of us, there are none either.

It was just us. It was just me, with the only person I’ve ever wanted to be with.

Fast driving has always given me the creeps. But sitting behind him, I wasn’t scared at all.

I let him sweep me away. The moments…they were just magical!

And trust me, when I say so, it really felt like that.

We drive for hours. By the time we reach, I cannot move.

The fog slowly starts clearing, as we climb the cliff. And when I cannot pull myself up, he lends

me his hand.

We stand there, on the cliff, watching the sunrise, letting the warmth reach us, and he still holds

on to my hand. I wasn’t very cold any longer, but with him so close to me, I froze.

We race down the cliff…tumbling over we land up in the sea, in each other’s arms. Everything

was just so perfect, so beautiful.

He zooms again. It was no longer foggy, no longer cold. Yet, I clasp on to him, with my head

buried into his jacket, and my hands inside the pockets.

Everything was perfect. He was flawless. He felt safe.

We’re tired once we’re back. His arms closed around me as he put me off to sleep.

But when I wake up, he’s gone..

It can’t be a dream, can it? It all felt so real.

My phone beeps. It was him.

“I had a great time. Can we do something like this again? I mean if you want to.”

I read the message again and again. It was all too good to be real.

I smile and drift off to think about my moments with him once again..

Awards :)

Yes, so I got awarded. All thanks to Tay Tay :)
Now if you don't know who this girl is, then you must check her out, cause she is awesome :)
Thank you so much for the award Tay Tay! You're a total sweetheart :)

Rules:

Post the award on your blog with the rules
List three things you would change if you were the overlord
List the blogs you're awarding and leave them a message :)

If I were the Overlord..

*I would make sure that nobody goes hungry in the world.
*I would make Harry Potter and Hogwarts real =D
*Whenever a person thinks of chocolates, tons of them will appear :D

Now, I'll be passing on this award to a couple of bloggers I have recently come across and who are worth checking out :)

*Xain :)
He thinks I'm a dude cause I like cars and games :) His writing leaves me wondering all the time. And for the moment we started talking, I don't think we've ever stopped laughing :)

* Capturing Life :)
Her writing is so flowing. It's beautiful. And I love the pictures she posts :)

* Prime :)
His blogging tips are so helpful, and his comments are always so sweet. Thank you so much Prime for the wonderful tips :) You're a genius :D

*Dreaming Wanderer :)
I can go on reading his poems :) Glad I stumbled upon your blog!

*Sie :)
She's a wonderful lady. I've never come across someone as strong and beautiful as her :)

*Sujatha :)
She's another lady I really look upon to :) I love reading her posts and I always look forward to her comments :P

*Sagittarian :)
She's a total sweetheart, and she can write just any form of poetry so well! It's just amazing :)

*Princess Fiona :)
The queen of poetry..I need not say more :)

Thanks a lot to all of you for reading.
You're all my inspiration and each and every reader matters to me :)

Love
Philo :)

♫..♥..♫

"Trust me. There's no way that I can sing in front of you."
"Well, I don't care. You just have to!" I thrust the guitar into his hands and sit down in front of him.
"You won't ever give up now, will you?" He sighs as he strikes a chord.

"We got this afternoon
You've got this room for two.."

His eyes are shut, his voice mesmerizing. Soft..calm..just beautiful. His fingers gently move, the rhythm comes to him so naturally.
I just sit and listen. And that's all I want to do.
"You were wonderful." I say, once he stops.
He laughs. "Your body is my wonderland." He kisses my shoulders gently.
"You should really try for the competition, you know. You'll get through."
"You don't get it Lucy. I can't sing in front of people." He snaps.
"Just close your eyes and think that you're singing to me. Do it for me. Please.." I look into his eyes and hold on to his gaze.
"There's no way that you'll give up, right?" He smiles, and pulls me into his arms.

♪♫♪♫

"I wanna leave with you, gotta take you home..I can see it inside my head.."

The voice..it's familiar, the person..is unknown.

I'm pushed to the corner. I stand there in the dark. The tickets were all sold out by the time I had reached. But then, I just needed a corner, somewhere where I could hide and watch you sing.
Isn't that what I've been doing from the past years? I'm used to it now. I'm one from the crowd who come to watch you perform. Just one of them..nothing else.
Your eyes are shut while you sing. Your voice, breathtaking. And you look amazing, just like you always did.
As soon as you end the song, there is a loud applause. A rush, and you're surrounded by all your fans.
I stay in the corner, and yes, you do catch my gaze. But then, you look away. You smile at the photographers, you get lost in your new life.
I quietly leave, blinking my tears back, tearing the ticket I held ob to for so long.

♪♫♪♫

People change with time. And so did you.
I dump your guitar in the bin. It's high time that I move on. No, I will not hold on to your memories.
You're just a stranger to me, another star who has an old past.
And yours is ME.

♪♫♪♫

Picture: Google :)
Coming next: Awards =)

Unfaithful

“I don’t wanna hurt him anymore,

I don’t wanna take away his life...

I don’t wanna be a murderer.”

I lie on the crumpled bed sheet, alone.

Naked.

I close my eyes, tighten my fist, and try to stop the guilt from growing, from eating me up. It wasn’t the first time. I should have been accustomed to all of this by now, but no I’m not. I don’t think I ever will…yet I continue to do so, and yet I lie in his arms, and crave for him when he’s not around.

The pictures appear in my mind. Flash backs. They always do after he leaves. And I always try to shut them from my mind. But it’s next to impossible. No, I don’t love him. I already have a lover, and he? He already has a family. It’s just the craving, the desperation, and the intense longing of being loved. He caresses me, he’s firm, strong, and I easily melt inside him. When he’s besides me, he is all I see. I don’t think about anything else. The world just seems beautiful when we lie next to each other, exhausted.

And then, he leaves. He does not kiss me goodbye. Nor does he hold my hands. He just leaves, saying that we’ll meet soon. He leaves me that way. Alone. That is when the guilt rushes in. It’s difficult to wash it off. It’s not love. It can’t be. I already have a lover, someone who loves me, who kisses me softly, who holds me, for whom I mean everything. But when I lie in his arms, I don’t melt. When he kisses me, I don’t feel that gush inside me.

Where as with him, I do…

“I don’t wanna do this anymore”

I wipe my tears, dress and change the bed sheet. I erase what all just happened. I shut the door and leave. I bury my sins till he comes over once again. Till then, I’ll lie with my lover. I’ll fake a smile. I’ll lie.

Yes, I’ll lie. And don’t ask me why.

..........

Picture: Google.

Lyrics and title: Rihanna- Unfaithful

Under The Duvet Lies Us :)

Soft Touch,
Strong grip..
Your gentle lips
Touch mine.

Warm hands
Lingering over my body
Your desperate mouth
Biting into my skin.

Broad shoulders
Engulfing me..
Racing heartbeats,
Intense longing

Heavy breaths
Our eyes locking

Under a duvet
On a cold winter night
We unite..


Picture: Google :)

Dewdrops On The Leaves..

I wake up to the chirping of the birds. I sit up on my bed and look outside the window. The sun is finally coming out. The cold is making its way out. But the mist still lingers in the air.

It’s early. Yet, I’m no longer sleepy. I pull a sweater over me, and slowly slip out, so that the others would not wake up.

I pull the curtains apart, and find my dog awake. She does not move, as I come to her. She does not wag her tail, or leap at me in joy. She just stays there, looking at me… After moments of me just holding her, I put her belt on, and take her for a stroll.

We walk over the steep hills. The dewdrops are still there on the tea plants. There is greenery all around and the smell of the fresh leaves spread all over.

I breathe in, and take in as much as I can.

I keep walking, not wanting to turn back. I keep walking, even when my legs hurt. I drag my feet till I reach the stream. I dip my hands into the cold water. It freezes me, but I don’t pull them out. I let them become numb.

I see my reflection in the water, and when a tear drops into it, my reflection is gone.

When I pull my hands out, they are blue. Blue like the hills I can see in the distance.

The sun is totally out now. A man on a cycle passes by me. The day has started. And my final day has finally drawn in…

I make my way back home. I run down the hills, and my dog races with me. I tumble over when she leaps onto me. I laugh, and she barks.

By the time I reach home, I’m tired. I fall asleep on the steps of the veranda and wake up only when my mother tells me that it’s time to go…

I don’t move. My hands still feel numb. I pat my dog, and just sit there hoping that it all just turns out to be a dream. I want to find myself in my bed. I want my mother to wake me up cause it’s getting late for school, and not because we need to leave.

But no, I snap back to the reality. The house looks empty. There are boxes all over. We were really leaving.

I kiss my dog goodbye. She just looks at me. And when I turn away from her, she barks.

I sit down in the backseat of the car. I close my eyes. I don’t want to look back. I somehow take my tears in. The barking seems far now... It grows faint. I open my eyes once I cannot hear it any longer.

We cross the tea garden… I stretch my hand outside the window and touch the leaves. I can still feel the dewdrops. It was as if they were calling out to us, telling us not to leave. I stick my head out and breathe into the air. I take in as much as I can. I don’t want to let it out, but I finally do, and break down.

I don’t want to leave. I want to remain in the wild, among the trees…on the hills.

The sunlight dries my tears. It burns my skin. I stick my head back in. It’s silent. My parents, my sister and I…we just sit, not knowing how to react.

I fall asleep, and wake up only when my mother shakes me.

We are at the airport- our final destination.

As the flight takes off, I look down at the land I left behind me. I look at the only place I know I belong to...

My life changed after that. I don’t know if I like the change, but I know that nothing could be done to stop the change.

But I do know, that my heart still longs for a chance to run down the steep hills, and to feel the fresh water in my hands once again..

.......

Image Courtesy: Google :)

Rainfall Of Memories..

(Now..)

My coffee is cold. I have no intentions of drinking it. The cafe is about to close, but I do not move.
It's pouring outside..

I'm finally pushed out by the waiter. I ain't got no place to go to. Home feels empty without him even after so long..

I hurriedly walk wrapping my arms around myself. There are no taxis around. I stand under a tree, waiting for the rain to stop. I'm cold.
I'm lonely.

A car stops besides me.
"Do you want a lift?" He asks.
'Yes please' I say, and get in besides him.

I look at him, and he looks back at me. Our eyes meet. He holds my hands tight. "I knew I'd find you here." He whispers, as he comes closer to me.
"Walk me home, will you?" I ask.

He says nothing. We get out of the car and walk. There is silence.. But our hearts talk.
And when he pulls me close, and presses himself against me, our love reunites.

We spend the entire night on the steps, watching the rain fall, letting it bring back memories.. and letting the silence connect us once again!
........................................

With this I come to an end of my story :) Thank You to all of you for reading.

Love,
Philo

The Fresh Smell Of The Earth.. Fresh Love

(Way Back..)

As I walk into the cafe, he's already there. He's wearing his favourite white shirt, and as he sees me, he smiles. I'm immediately drawn towards him, and his stare makes me conscious.
I sit down besides him.

'Hi' He says. 'Hi back' I say.
And, we click!
We spend the entire evening talking. Laughing. Living.
With not a single moment of silence..

"So, do you want me to drop you home?" He asks.
"How about you walk me instead?" I smile.

We hold hands as we walk. It rains. We are completely soaked, but our footsteps remain slow.
We splash in the puddles, we laugh, we run. And when I fall, he carries me home.

"You're beautiful." He says, coming closer.
I laugh and push him away. He comes closer again, and I don't move. I lay my lands on his chest, as our lips slowly meet.
"You won't leave?" I ask.
"Nope. We'll always get drenched together."

We spend the entire night watching the rain fall.
Talking, laughing and living.. Wrapped in each others arms.

Next: Rainfall Of Memories.

Drenched Together..

Before
(Lost in the rain)

We sat across each other. His face is blank. Expressionless.
I look at him, trying to meet his eyes. But the looks away, refusing to meet mine.
"So..now what?" He asks. "I..I don't know." I manage to say. "You always say that. You were always clueless and that is why we are here today!" He laughs. A sarcastic one. He's rude, bitter and harsh.
I gulp down the lump that was starting to form in my throat. I have nothing to say, yet there is so much I want him to know. My hands reach out to hold his. He's warm..but the warmth feels unfamiliar. He does not pull back. We sit in the silence not knowing what to do.

"It's late. We should go." He finally breaks the silence. I want to stay there, with him holding me. My heart refuses to let go, but my feet somehow drag me out. I follow him..clueless as ever!

"Should I drop you home?" He asks.
"No it's fine."
"Well alright. Bye then!"

"Can I hold you for the last time?" I ask.
I breathe into his neck, and he envelopes me in his arms. I cling to him, and he holds me tight.
He finally breaks free. Kissing me on my forehead, he walks away.
I stand and watch him disappear. And once he's no longer visible, I walk back home.
Alone..

It rains, and it brings memories..

Coming next: The fresh smell of the earth, Fresh love.

Happy New Year :)

Another year has come to an end, and yes, I'm still here. I survived!

Life isn't easy. It never is. But then, if it was just a bed of roses, then what would we learn? What would we experience? There would be nothing!

So, as another year is now ending, I'm happy...happy because I did not give up even though the thorns pricked hard, even though I had no more tears left to shed, and even though I felt nothing many a times. I did not fall apart! I managed to put myself together. I smiled when the times were bad.

And yes, things do heal with time. I now know that very well.

A very Happy New Year to all of you! I hope you've all had a wonderful year, and I hope that the next one brings even more smiles to all of you :)

Thanks a ton for reading my work, and for inspiring me to write more.

I'll be away from blogging for a couple of time as I have my exams. Though I will try and drop in whenever possible. I hope to see you all when I return :)

Take Care till then!

Happy Blogging!

Love,

Philo x

Merry Christmas :)

Bells and socks I hang,
Pretty ribbons I tie.
Handfuls of glitter I sprinkle,
Smiling angels float all around.

I look up at the tree,
Happy with all that it is covered in..
Cotton balls I place on it
Little gifts I keep under it's shade.

The big star I hold
But,
There is no way I can reach the top.
Suddenly
I feel someone lift me up,
And I gently fix it on the top.

'Ho Ho' Says Santa.
'Don't you want a gift?'
I clap my hands in glee
With a big grin forming on my face.

'I want to be big so that I can reach the star'

I dash off to build snowmen,
And
When I'm tired
Santa carries me back home
And
Drifts me in to the land of angels and snowmen..



I look up at my tree.
It shines..
And the angels float.

I big up the big star,
Standing on my toes I fix it up.

I turn back and smile..
As Sana slowly moves towards me.

'Ho Ho..' Says he,
'What is your wish?'

'I want to be a child once again..' I say.

'You're always my child. No matter how old you grow.'
My father smiles at me..

I hold his hands gently
As I help him walk out of the house.
He sits on the porch,
As I build him a snowman.

And
As the clock strikes twelve,
I run up to him.

'Merry Christmas Father..'

'Merry Christmas my Child.
You've always been my star...'

We sit outside all night, watching the snow fall, listening to the distant carols..
And
Drowning in the gifts of our memories..

...................

A very Merry Christmas to all of you. May you have a great time :)
And,
A very Happy Birthday to The Guy Who Is Always Breathless :D Stay Happy Ovais :)

Merry Christmas once again :) Spread smiles!

Philo xx

Pictures from: Deviantart