Monday, June 17, 2013

Just Another Woman In Love.. Part 2

Image from One Tree Hill

He never told me about his wife, and nor did I ask him. In fact, I knew nothing about his life. I just wanted to be around him. We’d walk in the park at night once he was done with his work. We’d sit and talk, and we’d make some more love. Behind the bushes, in the tree house of the park, in the bar and sometimes in my apartment. He never took me back to his place, and I figured that his wife was back home.

She often called while we were together. He often avoided the calls, often said that he was in a meeting and would be late. But he also often walked away from me to talk to her. I didn’t like the secretive behaviour. But I liked having him around me. I liked the way he felt.

“Tell me about your wife.” I asked.
“Why do you want to know?” He laughed.

I say nothing for a while.

“Do you think that I could be your wife someday?” I gradually ask, waiting for an answer. He just laughs, kissing my shoulders.

“I like being with you, but you need to know that we can have nothing more than this. Okay?”

I close my eyes and nod. I try to stop the tears from flowing.

I lie in the dark with him. His grip is tight around me, and I feel so weak in front of him.

I waited all night for him. He said that he’d come, but he didn’t. I cooked for him, dressed up.. But he just didn’t come. 
I spent the night smoking away in the balcony. And for once, I felt very alone.
“You didn’t come.” I said, when he walks inside the apartment.

“I was busy.” He says, as he comes closer to kiss me.

“Busy with what?” I push him away from me.
“That’s not your concern.” He pulls me closer to him and starts to kiss me again. I want to walk away, but I can’t. When I don’t respond to him, he lets go off my hand.

“I have a daughter. She’s six. It was her birthday. I’m sorry I couldn’t come to you.” He says.

“You have a daughter?” I was shocked, though I didn’t have any reason to be shocked.
He was a married man. It should have been obvious that he had a family. I walk away from him and lock myself in the washroom.

I stay in there for a long time.

“Mummy, where is daddy?” I ask.
My mother says nothing. I ask again and again, but she does not respond. She’s crying. It gets louder, and I don’t know what to do.
“He’s gone. Your daddy left us for another woman.” She gradually says.


I wake up. I cannot see that dream any longer. It’s haunting. I cannot be like the woman who broke my family apart.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Just Another Woman In Love.. (Part 1)

Image from One Tree Hill

I move away from the door. The banging increases, his voice becomes louder, more fierce. I slowly inch away, though my feet don’t seem to move. I shut every window, every door, till I’m finally in my room. I can hear him no longer, but nor do I feel safe. For it was only in his arms, where I seemed to belong... 
I wrap my arms with the thin scarf. The setting winter breeze gives me the chills, and I’m unable to protect myself. I run into the small bar and sit down, hoping that I could get some warmth.

As I sip my coffee, I see a man staring at me. Or rather, staring right through me. He sighs as he sees me look towards him. I look away and sip my coffee. I hum along the song that plays.

I was used to this. Sitting alone, eating alone.. Solace was all around me, even though I always had people surrounding me. I never longed for the presence of someone else. I was perfectly fine being on my own.

“Good song, right?” He asks, interrupting my thoughts.

I just nod, and then get back to my coffee.
“Mind if I sit here?” He asks again.

I shrug. I didn’t want any company, but he looked sad. He sits down on the opposite side and starts to read the newspaper.

I was used to this too. Men eyed me everywhere. They always wanted me, and yes, I did give myself to them. I found happiness in satisfying them. With them, I never felt alone. And once it was over, I didn’t contact them again. I knew what this man wanted from me. It was pretty obvious. But for a change, he made my insides twist too.

I glance up now and again, taking a good look at him - Broad shoulders, dark eyes, unshaved chin, messy hair, and a slight frown. He notices me look at him. I blush and look down, noticing a ring on his finger.

“Your wife must be waiting. Don’t you think it’s late?” I ask, with a laugh.

“Haha no. She’s out of town, and the house just feels very empty.” He says.
“Do you want a drink?” I ask.

He smiles, and then I slide in besides him.

One drink turns into two, and then we gradually lose track. We laugh, talk, drink and dance a little. The place is empty now. Our voices echo, and my body no longer shiver. “Do you want to get out of here?” he asks. I nod my head and let him guide me out.

He takes me to his place. We drink some more, laugh a little more, and then I gradually feel his heavy breath on my skin. His smell lingers around me, and I wrap myself around his warm body. I didn’t want to get up.

Sleeping around, yes. Done that, plenty of times. Holding someone and sleeping? No, he was the first one. He made me feel different.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

From: Dirty Dancing

Your grip tightens, as you pull me closer.
Our eyes lock
While time seems frozen.

A step closer

You turn me around

I run 
Right into your arms.

With our bodies close enough,
Close enough..
To feel you breathe

Closing my eyes, I sway..
To wherever you lead. 

The perfect moves you make me take
And those looks..

They make me melt

Transfixed I am
To this dance of ours
And to you

I surrender, my whole.

The music starts to fade, 
While the lights gradually dim

Bringing me to face you
Sliding into your arms

Letting the dance end.

So close,
I cannot breathe..
Your heart fastens
While mine skips plenty of beats;

Looking at you,
Eyes once again locking..

Smiling and wondering
If you feel the same.

Standing in the dark
Still enveloped within your arms,
The applause we shut

My eyes slowly close
While you..

Turn me around once again

Letting the dance
Never end.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Tripping Cause I'm Clumsy :)

picture from: here

They say that we suddenly grow up at a point, without realizing. 

We suddenly stop doing what we always have been doing and we take a break to think. And then we change the gears and let go of all the stupidity. 
We may not like it in the beginning, but this break is required. We need to sort ourselves out, and I think that this is what I’ve been trying to do from the past few weeks.

I’ve heard that college changes people. Tomboyish girls start to wear make up, and the nerds start to bunk classes, while the desperate ones are all over each other. No hard feelings, but this is what happens.
I’ve been thinking about which category I lie in. And honestly, I’m clueless. While people around me are too busy attending some party or the other, or while uploading pictures on social networking sites, I’ve been so lost because none of these things seem appealing to me any longer.
I don’t find the need of going to the washroom every now and then just to make sure that my hair is proper. I don’t want to buy the latest fashion clothes or suddenly walk in heels, because I know that I am sure to trip!

While the whole world around me is too busy trying on different masks and finding their way out, I’m happy shedding all the colours that I was once covered in. I don’t want to pretend or try to be cool. I just want to be myself. Whether people like me or not, I honestly no longer care.
I’ve felt so lost. But now when I look at the people around me, I think I’ve found my way through the maze at last. I’ve found myself while people are too busy losing themselves.

Are we that ashamed of ourselves that we need to change? Or are we that weak to let others change us into something we are not?

I believe that no matter how hard we try, or how many masks we wear, in the end of the day, we come back to being ourselves. We are all Plain Janes, in some way or the other, and it is all right to be plain instead of being pretentious.

Did I grow up too fast, or are the people around me a bit too immature? Well, I don’t want an answer to that. 
I’m just happy with the way things are right now. And next time I see a girl trip because of those heels, I’m just going to tell her that it’s high time she realizes that those shoes aren’t meant for her. And she should grab her pair before they wear out.