Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Pinky Swear

Hey Guys.
I'm so sorry for not posting for so long. I had gone camping and I just got back.
So..for a change, I have a story here :) And not a poem! Hope you like it!

When I turned thirteen, I looked at the girls around me and I was so confused. They were all into wearing skirts, putting lip-gloss (I remember, strawberry flavor was totally in), talking about boys, giggling for no reason, applying sweet perfume and reading fashion magazines.
In class, they would always put their one leg above the other, and expose their clean legs for the guys to stare at. The guys however were busy chewing gum, talking about Spiderman, soccer and playing pranks on the teachers. They always considered the girls ‘snobbish’.
I was glad, considering the fact that I hated the idea of wearing skirts and such flowery clothes. I would always tie up my hair, wear a tee, jeans and sneakers, and go to school. Ben was my best friend. We would both sit together in the last bench, chewing gum and making fun of the other girls. It was fun. We would watch soccer together, ride bikes and swim. Everything remained the same till we turned fifteen.
In the 9th grade, our homerooms changed and we were no longer together. We didn’t have any common classes and we hardly met, except for the weekends. And that also, we didn’t have much time cause Ben was taking higher level math. So, when we got back together in the 10th, we had our own set of friends. I had a group of friends who were like me. The girls were not snobbish and were simple. They didn’t talk about soccer though. It was either studies or making fun of the other girls. Ben had a mixed group and now, they did stare at the girl’s legs when they exposed them. And yep, Ben too, spiked up his hair and the tone of his voice had changed. When I would tell him that I wanted to go skateboarding with him, he just laughed and told me to stick to painting my nails. But nail painting was so not my thing. I just sighed and realized that things had changed. Ben soon fell for a girl who was in our homeroom, and was very sissy and silly as per me. She had long black hair and she wore lots of bracelets in her hand. She would always apply dark black kohl in her eyes.
During our spring dance, I saw the two of them dance together and I don’t know why, but I got this tight griping feeling in my stomach. I couldn’t stay there any longer and so I left. I had thought that Ben would call me up, but he didn’t. My elder sister noticed how sulky I had become after that day and she even asked me what was wrong with me. I told her what was going on. She laughed and said that I had a crush on Ben and I liked him. I didn’t agree to it and told her to leave me alone. “I know these things, sweetheart.” She said, and went away.
Later, that night, I went through Ben and my pictures and I started crying. I wanted to talk to Ben so badly but I just couldn’t call him up. I wanted him to call. I waited for a long time, but he didn’t. Spring break soon got over and it was time to get back to school. On the morning before school, I dumped my baggy jeans and wore skimpy jeans that gave and outline of my legs, right till the end. I even wore a pink tee that hung lowly on my chest. I kept my hair open. My sister gave me one of her perfumes. I was a little uncomfortable in the beginning but when my friends told me I looked good, I felt a little fine.
Ben noticed me in the classroom and waved at me. I waved back and I noticed he blushed. His friends teased him too. I felt happy. It all carried on the same way. Guys started looking at me from a different angle and I could sense that Ben was a little uncomfortable. I was now a part of the in-group and I now could giggle the way the other girls did. I started to like Miley Cyrus and I now liked carrying so many shopping bags and walking in the malls with my hair hanging loose behind.
I avoided Ben and I played hard to get.
Christmas soon came, and Ben invited me to his place. I knew that this was my chance. I wore an amazing black dress and a pink coat. I wore stockings and heels. I kissed Ben on his cheeks when he opened the door and I removed my coat. Ben scratched his head and led me inside. I met his parents and his mum told me that I was looking very beautiful. Ben and I then went to his room and he asked me what I wanted to do. I just flopped onto his bed and looked at him. “You look good.” I said. “Thanks.” He said. He turned his back towards me and started playing darts. I soon joined him and we decided on a bet. The looser would do anything the winner said. It was my idea and luck was with me that night. I won the bet. Ben raised his hand to give me a hi-fi, but instead I pulled him close to me, and gave him a tight hug. He hugged me back, but it was a casual one. I pulled apart when I realized he was uncomfortable. “So, what am I supposed to do?” He asked, flashing me a grin. “After dinner. I’m hungry.” I said, and walked out of his room.
Dinner was as it was every year. But, this time, I had wine and a little beer. I persuaded Ben’s mum telling her that I was old enough. She finally agreed to it, and gave Ben and me a little. After that we went back to his room. It was the perfect moment. I latched the door and switched off the lights. “What are you doing?” He asked me, coming closer. I pulled him towards me and looked right into his eyes. “The punishment!” I said. And I planted a kiss right on his mouth. I was hoping he would respond to it, but he pulled apart and switched on the light. “What has gotten into you?” He yelled. “Come on Ben, we aren’t kids. You know I like you, and you like me back. Right?” I said. “I do like you Bella. But it’s not what you think. We’re best friends and that’s it.” The words hit me hard and I started crying. “Come on Bella.” He said, and pulled me towards him. I rested my head in his arms and cried. “I’m sorry.” He said. “I want to go home.” I said. Ben asked me to stay longer but I didn’t feel like it. I washed my face and got Ben’s dad to drop me home.
Ben called me a lot but I rejected all his calls. He even came around, but I told my mum to tell him I was away for New Years. He even caught me online, but I didn’t reply to him. He left me many offline messages saying he wanted to tell me something important, but I didn’t reply to him. All through the winter break, I realized that I didn’t like the way I was. It suddenly struck me, that I didn’t like dressing in such a manner and I didn’t like sweet smelling perfumes. I was so frustrated with myself, that I opened my cupboards and took out all my dresses. I rearranged my wardrobe with my baggy jeans and loose T-shirts.
One day before school reopened, Ben called me again and this time I did answer. He told me he needed to meet me. I agreed to meet him. I put on my baggy jeans and sneakers and walked to the park where we used to meet earlier. I saw kids skateboarding and I realized how much I loved it. I sat down on the bench and waited for Ben. When he came, I could see that he had been crying.
“Hi.” He said. “What happened to you?” I asked. “Long story.” He smiled. “I have time.” I said. And so, Ben told me what was going on. His parents were getting divorced and he was shifting to London with his mum. I felt so bad that I wasn’t there with him through his bad days. He told me how bad things were at his place and how he needed to talk to me, but I wasn’t there for him. “When are you leaving?” I asked. “Tomorrow.” He said. The words hit me hard and I started crying. He cried too. We held each other’s hands and he held me tightly in his arms. “Thank God I can’t smell any sweet perfume.” He laughed, between his sobs. “Is that why you didn’t hug me before?” I asked him, looking into his eyes. “I’m glad the old you is back. Never change Bella.” He wiped the tears away from my eyes and looked at me. “I never liked snobbish girls and when you became a part of it, I thought I had lost you. In fact I did. I like you the way you are. Don’t change, please.” He said.
I could see the sadness in his eyes. I could feel every word he said. He cupped my face in his strong hands and kissed me lightly on my forehead. “I love you the way you are.” He said. I hugged him tightly and smiled. “I love you too.”
“Fancy skateboarding?” He asked me. “Sure.” I said. We took two skateboards from the kids and skate boarded till we weren’t tired and then he walked me home and we talked about soccer and made fun of the girls of our class. He even made fun of me, but I didn’t mind.
“School won’t be the same without you.” I said, when we had reached my house. “I know, I’ll write though. And I will visit you for sure.” He looked down and said. “Pinky swear?” I asked and held out my little finger to him. “Pinky swear.” He said and tangled his finger with mine. We stood holding hands not knowing what to say and then finally, he let go off my hand. “I’ll miss you.” He said and walked away.
I stood there and watched him till he became a park of the dark street. I sat down on my doorsteps and cried. My sister put her arms around me and told me that it’ll all be fine.
School felt empty without Ben but then I didn’t have an option. I was in touch with Ben though. We would chat all night and would laugh just like old times. Hanging up was the toughest part but we had to. I got back to skateboarding. I joined the school’s girl’s soccer team and got friends who were like me.
I have a soccer match tomorrow, and guess what? Ben’s coming to watch too! He pinky swore to me that he’s coming! And I know this is one promise he won’t break!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

It's All Within You!...

Behind everybody’s smile,
There is sadness.
Behind everybody’s ‘I’m fine’,
There’s heartache.
Behind everybody’s craziness,
There’s fear.
Behind all of us,
There’s a dark shadow.

It pulls us down,
Leaves us helpless.
When we get torn,
It’s laughs!

It is wicked,
It likes to see us give up.
Well, that’s life!
Nasty, unpredictable and a scare ride!

It’s a path through the dark.
It snatches every caring person away from us.
It leaves us alone with our shadow,
It feels glad when we are scared!

It waits for us to give up.
It waits for us to turn back and cry.
It waits for us to loose all faith,
And when we do, it sinks us completely…

But if we try,
If we fight and cross the dark path…
It gets torn,
And gives us a change to walk in peace.

If we accept the loneliness
And walk all alone,
It shows us the light…
And gives us hope.

The end gets nastier.
But if we are brave and desperate,
Life gives up
And let’s us out in the light!

Don’t give up,
Fight through that shadow
Cause there is light.
There is real happiness.

Grab all the chances you get.
Be confident and trust yourself.
It’s beautiful in the light,
To see it, have faith and fight.

Once you’re out, the shadow’s gone.
Even if it’s back, it’s scared!
It won’t come out, till you break down.

Trust your heart,
Think with your mind.
The light is there somewhere,
All you need to do is explore!

-Wink ♥♥

Thursday, April 15, 2010

You Can Never Be Mine..

We sleep on the sand,
The water plays with our toes.
The stars shine above us,
While the summer breeze blows.

There’s no one else around,
The waves come to greet us again and again.
I lie in your arms,
You kiss me softly on my head.

You hold my hand,
I lie on your chest.
You smell of the ocean’s water…
Salty and warm.

You play with my hair,
While I sleep on your lap.
You guide me, you watch over me
You’re my pillow and my blanket.

You run your hands through my wet hair,
You kiss me again and again…
You hold me close
And whisper that you love me.

Everything is perfect,
Until I open my eyes and find myself on my bed.

You’re not here…you never were…
The only salty thing around me is my tear!

My hair is not wet,
There are no stars around.
The only voice I hear is my mums.

I realize it was all another dream
Which I know can never come true

Cause just yesterday,
You proposed to my best friend
On the very beach
I wanted to be with you!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Beautiful World

The cold night,
The look of your eyes,
The touch of your hand,
Your breath on my neck…

The chilly breeze,
Your arms around me tight,
The softness of your voice,
The feel of your heart beating with mine…

Those silly jokes you crack,
Those romantic songs you sing.
The way you carry me in your arms
Sweeping me off my feet

And taking me to a world
I never want to leave!


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Happy Me :)

You may say I’m crazy
You may take me as a tramp.
You may consider me mean,
But at least I am who I really am!

I don’t pretend,
I don’t live a fake life,
I’m an open me.
Like me?
Then good for you!

Your wrong judgments won’t put me down.
Your views towards me won’t change the person I am!

So, save your mind for somebody else,
Cause this is how I am
And I love the way I live!


Sunday, April 4, 2010

My Past

Bad memories I have so many
That they haunt me all the time,
They don’t let me rest in peace
Every thought brings me back to my past deeds.

I sit alone and feel scared,
The chills of bonded lies don’t leave me alone.
Whenever I look into the mirror,
I hate the person I see.

Not knowing what to do,
I’m lost and filled with guilt.
It’s all eating me from the inside
It has finally broken my heart,
And I am unable to mend.

The broken pieces still beat
With every memory that sparks within…
I feel like tearing myself apart,
I feel like screaming and running away from it all.

I risked life, played with it.
Now I have to deal with the consequences
Cause it’s too late to turn back.

No matter how many tears I cry,
No matter how badly I hate myself.
I have lost and now my past runs my life!