|Picture from: deviantart.com|
I wake up in the middle of the night. I’m sweating, panting. I’m scared.
It will pass.
Yes, the moment will go away. It was just another nightmare.
I close my eyes and sit on my bed, waiting for my mind to calm down. But nothing happens.
Gulping the pill that always lay on my side table, I close my eyes again. The medicine is supposed to relax me, it is meant to put me off to sleep. But no, it does not help.
I pop in one more. No effect.
With my eyes open, my head hurts and everything around is black.
With them closed, I see a monster. It chases me. I run. I yell. I scream but I can’t escape.
I switch on the lights again.
I’m still awake and still scared to close my eyes. Getting off my bed, I light a cigarette and lie down in my balcony. It’s cold. The smoke warms me. The nightlight burns my eyes, but I don’t blink.
It’s all blur now. The stars hit my eyes and then disappear. My eyelids feel heavy as they slowly drop. Exhaling the last puff, my breath slows them. My body feels light. My soul-calm.
I see a girl running. A monster chases her. The girl yells. The monster catches her.
I am the girl, and the monster is me.
I run from myself. I’ve become someone I fail to recognize. My sides…they float when I’m asleep.
The pills, the whiskey, the cigars.
Nothing helps. I have to face the person I have become. The masks I have to shed.
I want to move, but I can’t. I scream, but nobody can hear. The evil has caught hold of me. It crushes me, and turns me into nothing but smoke. I’m blur and hollow.
It pricks, and then I feel nothing.
I float in emptiness.